I sat in my favorite chair, devotional in hand and Bible open. Tears began streaming down my face. I sat before God, grieving over a hope that felt thin at best.
The evening before, my husband and I were on our way out to grab a bite to eat. I thanked him again for the wonderful set of darts he’d
given me for my birthday. (We love playing darts and I love that it’s something we share and do together). Part of the gift was a set of flights (the things that attach to the back end of the dart and make then fly straight) which had a cross on them. I was touched that he thought to buy those for me. He said that was actually a big step for him. I asked him why since he’s bought cross pendants for me in the past. He explained that jewelry was different. He didn’t really see it as having a specific meaning. But buying the flights with the crosses mean that he accepted my faith as something that wasn’t going to change.
Our conversation continued over dinner. He further expanded that just as I probably hoped he would change his mind and believe in God, he hoped I would decide to believe like he does, that God doesn’t exist. In my heart, I cringed a bit because I’d thought he’d moved toward being more of an agnostic than an atheist. We continued to talk. That was the good part—we really talked. It was honest, open and authentic. Nothing defensive or upsetting, even though it seemed like a step back.
Interestingly enough, at one point I got to share a perspective that surprised him. He said I probably thought that his life would be better if he believed. I said not necessarily better but richer. This gave me the opportunity to explain to him that my desire for him to come to faith had nothing to do with wanting to change him in any way. My only desire was that his eternity would be secure. I love him just as he is and I want to see him in heaven.
I explained the “richer” part with comparing the discovery of the world being round, not flat. New discoveries were to be made and perspectives enhanced and even changed. Like a whole new world (pun intended) being opened up before our eyes. So, the reality of his unwavering choice to not believe God existed grieved me deeply that morning. I sat before God and asked what had happened? Had ground been lost? Had I misunderstood? Then I told God I refused to stop believing His promises for my sweet guy. I know without a doubt God’s hand is on his life and I will wait however long it takes.
Then God’s loving and quiet voice came into my heart and changed my perspective. He showed me that this was not a step back but a step forward. That my husband’s acceptance of my faith was a crucial step in his consideration of faith for himself. God helped me see what I could not on my own. My hope was restored and renewed by a God who loves my “pre-believer” even more than I do.
Praying and believing,
Dineen
I’m interviewing Dineen on InfiniteCharacters.com today about her new novel, The Soul Saver. This novel deals with issues related to spiritually unequal marriages. Come take a look.
Other posts you might like:
MaryLu Tyndall’s Testimony of Faith
What Have You Got to Lose?
In addition to writing for Spiritually Unequal Marriage, Dineen Miller has won several prestigious awards for her fiction. She’s also a C.L.A.S.S. Communicator and has been featured on the Moody Radio Network, Family Life and Focus on the Family Radio. Married for 24 years to a guy who keeps her young, she lives in the Bay Area with her husband and two adult daughters, who surprise her daily with their own creativity.
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The Soul Saver Booktrailer:
Has your husband read Pascal's wager?
ReplyDeleteGail, knowing my guy, I'm sure he's familiar with it. He's very scientific and very intelligent. I will ask him though for sure. I'm curious what his thoughts are on that one. Thank you for mentioning it! Blessings!
ReplyDeleteI love Pascal's Wager. That's why I linked to a blog post called "What Have You Got to Lose" about it above. Still, the Bible tells wives in 1 Peter 3, the best way to reach our husbands is to live Godly lives. Or to win him without words--Now where have I heard that before???
ReplyDeleteConnie, you make me laugh. LOL!
ReplyDeleteSo, ladies, I had a convo with my hubby tonight about Pascal's wager and he surprised me a little with his answer. He basically said that Christianity believes our salvation is contingent on our acceptance of God's Son Jesus so Pascal's wager still fails because just believing God exists doesn't save you unless you buy into the fallacy that good works save you.
I must say I was surprised at his clarity of the differentiation and I could see his point. This guy never stops surprising me.
Dineen,
ReplyDeleteI can see why you chose the title, “Winning Him Without Words.” Clearly, your loved one has mastered them! I suspected that was the case. He is a very smart man. After all, he chose you, and you are very wise! I just finished the book, “Blue Like Jazz.” Don Miller, the author, describes Christianity as being like Jazz in that you can’t really put it on paper with any accuracy. Very true. I was a music major and played a little jazz. I tried once. It was impossible to portray the intricate nuances without fudging a bit on timing. Sometimes you just have to hear it and feel to get it. Otherwise, the notations won’t make sense. Faith, in anything, is much like that.
As you say: praying and believing!